Hey there everyone!
I really wish I could be posting something else right now, and there will be a new post coming out soon about why I’ve been gone so long, but this felt way more important to post first.
Trigger warnings : Islamaphobia, mass shooting.
It’s happened again. Again. I don’t care that it was another country or that it wasn’t targeting people like me, I just sick of this news story. I’m sick of feeling jaded and running out of words to say and I wish I could still be as emotionally wrecked as I was the first time I heard about a mass shooting.
But I’m not. I’m not as sad as I should be. I’m not as passionate as I should be. When I first heard what I happened I just shut off my phone and turned away. When I heard that the shooters filmed the whole thing and people were actually sharing the footage my disgust wasn’t as deep as it should be.
Mostly what I’m feeling is anger.
I’m angry that there are more than 40 people whose families and friends are mourning because a senseless few value their own hatred above the lives of their fellow human beings.
I’m angry because my country has failed to identify terrorist attacks unless the perpetrators look like the people who died yesterday. (congrats to NZ’s Prime Minister for being brave enough to say that this was terrorism.)
I’m pissed I had to write that congratulations because naming a mass shooting a terrorist attack shouldn’t be difficult, shouldn’t be different, shouldn’t seem revolutionary. Yet, from a United States perspective, it really does.
Aside from the anger there is this intense sense of disappointment.
I’m disappointed that this all consuming kind of hatred and prejudice exists in so many different places in our world and in the cultures of the world. I want to believe that pockets of hatred and violence are truly anomalous and not a part of human nature, but, while the percentages of people who feel this way and act this way are infinitesimally small, they persist. It really feels like there is something fundamental about humans that leads to that tiny percentage being violent and cruel.
Despite that, there are beautiful and wonderful things that happen every day. I truly think 99.999999999% of all humans are full of incredible potential, power, and love. Which is part of why this is such a terrible loss. I don’t care if you are against the tenants of Islam, you should be sad this happened.
To all the people mourning across the planet today – You are loved and appreciated and valuable.
And to my Muslim brothers and sisters, you are valid and valuable and important. We can work to make the world a better place for you and everyone else. There is hope, and there are so many people with you. It doesn’t make this better, but I hope you know that there is always a path forward and that we can be more than we are.
-R.
IlluminatedChaos 