I suppose it’s about time I introduced myself. I’m R, a young Coloradoan with a habit of thinking about things a little more than one really ought. It can be uncomfortable at times, although I’m told it makes me an interesting conversationalist.
I’ve also thought of myself primarily as a writer for years now. In fact it has been my ambition roughly since the time most of the other children were still debating the merits of acting, law enforcement, and becoming an astronaut. Although I also consider myself a hobbyist artist, and I have a wide range of skills that may have been useful two hundred years ago but mostly, today, take up far too much supply space. I’m chronically unorganized, don’t like making decisions, and both pansexual and genderqueer. Huh, I guess those things might be related.
One last thing. I also have PTSD, which in me looks an awful lot like depression and anxiety (which coincidentally were my original diagnoses). It’s an interesting lens through which to look at the world. But I won’t for a minute pretend that it won’t interfere with this blog as it interferes with pretty much everything else I do. It will. There will be times I wont post, or that a post will be heavier or darker than your typical internet fare. I don’t do it to be morbid or emo or edgy, but rather because those things are a real reflection of the world as I see it through my warped little brain. I also do it because there is a lot of pressure to hide mental illness, which also means that we as a culture don’t know how to reckon with and talk about mental illness in real and practical ways. I want that to change. Which, I suppose, means I better buckle up and put in the work, right?
If you’re still interested in walking with me while I try to find the light in the chaos, welcome. I can’t promise I’ll post regularly, but I’ll try to keep you updated. Welcome to Illuminated Chaos. Hopefully we’ll learn something together.